in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
sex in a hospital.. check
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer