The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
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I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
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how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.