Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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