I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
