I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
