theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
