people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
