We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
