Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
