Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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