I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
