Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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