To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Shame - the story of my life.
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