That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
