so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
