I want to walk on stilts...naked
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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