I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
