At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's blow job season.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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