i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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