theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
