He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize