just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
