Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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