Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
