Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Randomize
