I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
