You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
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Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
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That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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