We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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