I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
