Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
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I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
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I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize