Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
