I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
