"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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