No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I need mimosas to revive my soul
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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