Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I AM VODKA MAN
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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