If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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