I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I can't turn off my feet"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
