He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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