i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
