Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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