Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
