So drunk its hurt
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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