I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
