I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
