that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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