i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
