Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
