I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
vagina is talking i cant
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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