saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
