Sry I called you an 8
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
