Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
