I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
