She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
