I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
