i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
