how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
