6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
