3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I cockslap morals
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
