I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
