I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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