I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
whose parrot is this?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
