Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
